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28 Feburary 2025 - On “Dwelling”


  •     I years had been from home, 
  •     And now, before the door, 
  •     I dared not open, lest a face 
  •     I never saw before

  •     Stare vacant into mine 
  •     And ask my business there. 
  •     My business,–just a life I left, 
  •     Was such still dwelling there?

  •     I fumbled at my nerve, 
  •     I scanned the windows near; 
  •     The silence like an ocean rolled, 
  •     And broke against my ear.
        
  •     I laughed a wooden laugh 
  •     That I could fear a door, 
  •     Who danger and the dead had faced, 
  •     But never quaked before.

  •     I fitted to the latch 
  •     My hand, with trembling care, 
  •     Lest back the awful door should spring, 
  •     And leave me standing there.

  •     I moved my fingers off 
  •     As cautiously as glass, 
  •     And held my ears, and like a thief 
  •     Fled gasping from the house.

(Dickinson 1896)

Today, I return to Emily Dickinson’s poem “I years had been from home, and in it, I fixated on what it means to revisit a space once called home, only to be met by the unfamiliar. Her use of the word dwelling is what stayed with me. Not as a noun alone, but as an action, a lingering. A haunting. A persistence.

This marks the coming of my New Art City title: Home is a dwelling path. In choosing dwelling for the title, I’m pointing to the acts of staying, remembering, and confronting. The uncanny moment when a former comfort feels estranged. Dickinson’s poem offers not a resolution, but a response, a fleeing, a gasp. This gesture of approach and retreat mirrors the interaction in my digital game, where participants sit or lie down to speak of home, then leave, and their words are absorbed into the digital space. This poem helped me name that movement. Not just being home, but dwelling there, even when it hurts.
© melisssayunzhi, 2025